He Leadeth Me
by Fr. Walter Ciszek
Completed December 2001
Father Walter Ciszek tells
an amazing story of his 20+ years in the Soviet prison system. One product of
such difficult experiences, I am convinced, is a type of clarity and
understanding that take years when we’re not living our lives so intensely. And
Ciszek’s conclusion is relatively simple – not surprising, really. As he says,
“Whether it be the secrets of the physical universe he created (like Einstein’s
E=mc2), or the Ten Commandments, or the Beatitudes, or the
truth we learned in the catechism – all can be simply stated.” (p. 200) I think
Ciszek’s conclusion is “simply stated” in his title: He Leadeth Me.
Ciszek believes – and I
certainly agree – that God gives us our lives and our free will in order that
we can choose to love Him – and that the way we do that is to follow His will
for us, to allow God to lead us. That is a simple idea, propounded by a lot of
theologians over the years. It is simple to understand and even to agree to…but
it is not easy for us (I believe) as less-than-humble humans, to really live
it. Ciszek certainly feels that way as he suffered through his first years (out
of a total of 5) of interrogation, accused of being a Vatican spy. At one
point, he breaks down and signs a confession. Why, he asks himself, would God
fail him? Then, however, he realizes, “I had asked for God’s help but had
really believed in my own ability to avoid evil and to meet every challenge,”
(p. 68) and thus begins his deeper understanding of where his will leaves off
and God’s begins.
It is not easy to
understand God’s will, because, in Ciszek’s words, “the more important the
situation is, the more totally we are committed to it or the more completely
our future depends upon it, then the easier it becomes for us to blind
ourselves into thinking that what we want is surely what God must also
want. We can see but one solution only, and naturally we assume that God will
help us reach it” (p. 69). In essence, our own will – our ego – gets in the way
of understanding and following God’s will.
How then, to know? Ciszek
might state that simply, too: pay attention. “It is in the seeming smallness of
our daily lives,” he writes, “that cause our attention and our good intentions
to wander away from the realization that these things, too, are signs of God’s
will. Between God and the individual soul, however, there are no insignificant
moments; this is the mystery of divine providence (p. 175).” Honestly, I don’t
think there is really a simple answer: Ciszek depicts himself constantly asking
what God wanted and discerning where his own will and God’s intersected and
where they diverged. He doesn’t give us a handbook for allowing God to lead us
so much as telling us one story about a priest who try to let God lead him.
And along the way he
discovers many things that are powerful insights. For instance, Ciszek has
insights from his unique experience about suffering and how it fits into God’s
will: “if you can learn to see the role of pain and suffering in relation to
God’s redemptive plan for the universe and each individual soul, your attitude
must change. You don’t shun it when it comes upon you, but bear it in the
measure grace is given you” (p. 119). As theology, that is difficult for me to
fully grasp and understand, but Ciszek’s story gives it a credibility and puts
it into a clearer and more real light.
Similarly, Ciszek spends a
lot of time talking about doing your best, even when it doesn’t seem that you
are working for good people or engaged in God’s work. How does he come to
conclude that this is God’s will? Surrounded (in labor camps) by people that
did shoddy work and deliberately sabotaged the work they did (it was, after
all, the work of a corrupt state), he found a certain peace in doing good work
– building a barrack well meant it would be warmer for the prisoners who it
ultimately housed. But it was less the rationalization of doing good work than
an honest discernment of the pleasure that good work brought him, in the
context of his understanding of the tradition of the Church, that led him to
see working hard at the task put in front of him, as God’s will for him.
In his words, “’Every
priest is chosen from among men and ordained to minister to men in those things
that are of God,’ says the ordination ceremony. And the things that are of God
are all the joys and works and sufferings of each day, however burdensome and
boring, routine and insignificant they may seem. It is the priest’s function to
offer these things back to God for his fellowmen and to serve as an example, a
witness, a martyr, a testimony before the men around him of God’s providence
and purpose.” (p. 113).
Ciszek’s experience is
certainly unique, as is his advice. It is advice that is both simple and
powerful – made powerful through a straight-forward re-telling of his
day-to-day struggles.